#i hope i'm able to leave this feeling of meh ):

[pequenaotaku]

Episode 04

"Hearts Looking For Love"

It took me a while, but here I am again. I don't have anything new to comment on about the episode, just to say that of all the routes I play, my favorite conversation about romance was the one with Thomas. And by the way, the motorcycle ride came sooner than I expected. But that's not a complaint.

Like everyone else, I think, I was a bit disappointed with Jason's route in this episode. I mean, it was cool to hear the things he mentioned about relationships, about, for some mysterious reason, not being able to date someone seriously and all that. It left me curious, and I'm eager to find out the reason behind it. But that said, the picture moment was kind of... Meh. So, I decided to edit Amanda's picture, just like @kaumalade and @candysweetposts did. The context is completely different for my girl who, for now, is facing a mental battle to decide if she will open up to love again or not.

And about Roy, I don't have much more to say than what I said in my last post. Just one consideration: Have you noticed that in all his pictures so far, New Candy always has her mouth open?

Anyway, here are my headcanons for the episode:

Olivia, who is a sensitive person, was very shaken by all the recent events. From the kiss on the cheek she received from Roy during the game of truth or dare to the extremely cold breakup between Brune and Roy. She feels a bit guilty for being so relieved at how things ended. But overall, she tries not to think about it too much. It might be early, but she never denied that Roy affected her. She never had a serious relationship, and he seems different from the guys she has known.

There are no significant changes from the episode to how I imagine my headcanon of Colette. The only thing I altered is that since she and Thomas have been close acquaintances for some time, this wasn't the first time she rode on the back of his motorcycle. The conversation resonates with the same beats because it's very much in their nature, as Colette has a platonic crush but doesn't want to say anything too directly about it because she's afraid of his reaction. Still, it was a pleasure to know what he thinks about the subject. And since it was Thomas himself who brought up the topic, she couldn't help but feel a bit hopeful that things might develop in the future. She has had flings in the past, but they were never relationships that lasted long.

With Meredith, things happen quite differently. At Goldreamz, some employees started drooling over Jason's Instagram photos, which, by the way, Meredith herself manages and maintains. She overheard their passionate and platonic conversation and called them out to get back to work and stop gossiping. However, the conversation stayed on her mind for the rest of the day. As I mentioned before, the whole thing with Ioan happened to her, even though it was four years ago. She's in a tight spot. She doesn't want to make the same mistakes, and her heart is still hurting. The mourning period is always different for everyone. And her situation with Jason is complicated. He always teases her, she doesn’t hide that she likes it sometimes, though she’ll never admit it. But being his assistant, she knows the ins and outs of his life and understands it would be a real soap opera if she started to seriously invest in it. At night, leaving work, she takes a taxi home and, scrolling through her problematic boss's Instagram profile, admiring some photos, she reflects on the whole situation. An insecure expression. She is afraid of how things will unfold in the future.

It turned out longer than I expected… In any case, the credits: the clothes I used to edit the bases, I got from @candysweetposts's Drive, and as for Olivia's braid, I found it here.

See you soon~

[deeptrashwitch]

A snippet I wanted to write for some time now, but never had the inspo for it. Finally arrived, so I hope you like it! (Sorry if I got something wrong with Alicia's reaction or Jackson's attack)

During a closed night, Alicia was walking around the base as usual, just another routine of her nights with insomnia. Although, this time was slightly different, because she wasn't the only one awake as usual. That night, the medic bay was up, but it was weird since everyone should've been inside the barracks. The woman walked in silence to go and figure out what was going on, looking inside without a word before feel saddened and worried. Jackson was inside there, but he seemed desperate, hugging himself, and mumbling something as he cowered in fear. Alicia just gave a step, but that was enough sound to make the blonde look at her, his eyes filled of absolute and senseless fear.

"Wait" he said with a shaky voice that she never heard "please, I beg you...just leave me alone"

"Jackson..."

"Just stay away from me, don't do anything to me"

"...Follow my voice, kid, you aren't there" she asked with some worry "look at me"

With a confused and terrified look, Jackson looked at her, now so near to cry.

"That's it, well done" Alicia told him with a soft smile, slowly extending her hands "can you move your hands for me?"

"Huh?"

"Your hands, try to move them a bit"

He did, with his hands shaking.

"You're doing it perfectly, now try to move your arms" the woman asked without stop walking "do you need something? A medicine?"

"N-no"

"Alright, so for now just try to breathe and keep moving your arms" she murmured while he did it "good job. I know that you might feel in danger right now, but I can assure you...you're safe"

"It hurts"

"I know"

"It burns, it still burns" he whispered as his hands went towards the back of his neck

"I know it hurts, it always will" she muttered as she grabbed him carefully by his arms "but you aren't there, okay? You're in Black Tomb, you're with the team"

"Black Tomb...? I'm...at home?"

"Yes, kid, you're at home. You're safe"

Then Jackson sobbed once, as the tears started to run down his face and his legs denied to keep him up more time. Alicia hold him in silence, trying to calm him between his sobs and trembling, just hugging him. It was like that during some minutes, until Jackson was able to calm down, almost running away from the hug with frustration and fear.

"..." Alicia sighed as she sat on a stretcher and pointed to the chair "how do you feel, kid?"

"How much did you watch?" he asked in a growl

"Enough to get worried about you"

"I hate that you use my words to talk to me"

"I'm sorry, I guess" she said before looking at him "but really, are you...?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me, Alicia"

"You know that asking me that is useless"

"Yeah" he murmured with a frown before whispering "why do you fucking care so much?"

"What?"

"I've been a bastard since the day we met, crap, I even have been treating you without respect sometimes...but you are so patient and just keep treating me well" he hissed, clenching his fists "why are you stupid enough to do it? Why do you care about a prick like me?"

"Why wouldn't I? You're one of my boys"

"Just for that, huh? Then stop loosing your time, I'll go away"

"It isn't just that" she said, poking his forehead with a little smile "even if you leave the team, I'd still care about you. Again, you're one of my boys, not only as one of my soldiers, keep that in your mind. You copy, kiddo?"

"...This is stupid"

"Meh, it might be, but you can ignore it if you want"

Jackson didn't say anything, but sighed and ended up sitting beside her on the stretcher, just staring at his desk filled with all kind of things. For a second he didn't think about anything, but then notice the little staff of asclepius' pin over one of their books, remembering why he had it. It was Alicia's gift once she learnt about his birthday, which was probably one of the first gifts he had in...forever.

Then he remembered that time of his conference in Austin, and his throat closed with a sudden need of crying again, but he said nothing. When he looked at her through the corner of his eyes, he notice the red lines over Alicia's scar and rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, did you scratched your neck again? Christ, can you be more irresponsable?" he muttered as he took his things "let me see"

"Alright, alright" she murmured with a chuckle "is something I can't control"

"You'll end up hurting yourself"

The blonde SEAL just shook his head, and after being sure she didn't have a wound, they stayed in silence for a while more. Then Alicia's watch beeped, taking them back to reality, and making the Captain sigh. She stood up with a little smile, stretching as her joints cracked before ruffling his hair.

"Well, gotta go. Try to take a nap before today's training" she said with a side smile

"Yeah, I'll try"

"Take care then"

Jackson didn't say anything else, but smiled silently a bit while he organized the desk.

[anti-dazai-blog]

opinions on Atsushi and Fukuchi ? BTW feel free to ignore this ask, since ik you're primarily a Dazai analysis blog. Idk, I feel like the concept of Atsushi as a character had AMAZING potential, but somehow he's given (imo) less fleshing - out than Dazai and the others. The other characters get interesting little quirks and opinions, Atsushi gets none. I just wish BSD would develop its protagonist better. I really wanna like Atsushi but he's just written so MEH at times.

Oh and, why do you think Atsushi was chosen as the protagonist? No, I'm not saying any other character would make a better one. But I'm curious about Atsushi's significance to the story's themes. For example, do you think Sigma, Ango, Akutagawa or Yosano could have been the protag instead ? They tend to fit the common protag archetypes more I guess.

Also I see a lot of fandom gate for Fukuchi, which I think is dumb because a former nationalist getting PTSD from the atrocities he committed for his country, and then vowing to destroy the concept of national boundaries, is awesome and metal as fuck. Yeah of course Asagiri gives him that dumb flatulence schtick and some loony OP gimmicks cuz burnout / anime idiosyncrasies, but he's a character who deserves much more appreciation cuz he's so INTERESTING. I'm not saying he's a poor meow meow. He's morally grey but he makes some valid points, and he's a great exploration of fascism, guilt and the dark side of man - made boundaries.

As far as I could tell, Atsushi is actually the standard protagonist archetype for his genre. He’s a filled-in blueprint of what a fantasy protagonist usually is. 

The basic formula for a fantasy genre protagonist is, first and foremost; somebody who’s an outsider. Someone who’s unfamiliar with how the magic system works, so that the story has an excuse to explain it to them—and through that, explain it to the audience, who are outsiders to the magical system as well. 

The second step to the make-a-protagonist formula is to make them bland—or at least bland relative to the characters they’re surrounded by. You want the audience to be able to project themselves onto the protagonist, so making them overly-gimmicky or with too much of a unique personality may turn people away. You want them to be someone the audience could picture themselves as. You want them to have the highest possible relatability. Atsushi’s the guy with the fewest gimmicks, so. He’d be the LOP of the show. Least Objectionable Protagonist. (yeah I do think I’m funny and I’m hoping all media students find me funny as well) (I’m leaving this joke in for the one person who gets it and finds it funny)

Step three is to make them overpowered. It doesn’t have to be overpowered by that world’s power standards, but they have to have a surefire way to succeed often, and to be potentially seen as a threat by others (<-that’s the thing that usually makes conflict happen). They often start out rather weak so that they have room to learn and grow, but it becomes apparent quickly that they could potentially be the strongest once they learn how to use their abilities properly.

Atsushi checks all these boxes perfectly.

All other BSD characters don’t fit into that mold. Atsushi didn’t know about abilities and didn’t know about the agency/mafia/guild, and so it all had to be explain to him (and simultaneously, to us). All characters listed other than Sigma would be disqualified from the start, for being within these systems from a much younger age and therefore unable to learn about them for the first time during the course of the show (and age is a pretty common factor in the Blueprint for Fantasy Protagonists too). 

As for Sigma, I’m not saying he’s designed to be similar to Atsushi, but. If the mangaka decided to explicitly have characters in canon say “hey you remind me of my coworker,” then who am I to argue with that. Sigma was designed to resemble Atsushi (in personality, at least). He was designed to have a convenient ability to be used when needed. I have no doubt that he’ll be returning to the story, on the basis that his ability is too convenient to lose. But a guy designed to resemble the story’s protagonist is not the most likely candidate for the protagonist role. 

Funnily enough, we do get to see what other BSD characters would be like in the role of protagonist thanks to the light novels. Ranpo/Fukuzawa, Chuuya, Dazai, etc. etc. have all had their chance to be in the spotlight. But notice how their quirks from the main series have been toned down through rationalizing them via a first person POV—in 15, we don’t view Chuuya as short tempered or easily annoyable because we see what’s really going on—he’s working towards his own goal on the side. So when Dazai goads him into a stupid bet, we don’t see him as easily-provokable for accepting, but rather someone who’s trying to figure out how much this mafia guy really knows about the case they’re working on—the one where, as we later find out, he has a personal connection to. 

And with this added insight into the thought behind his actions, we can see him as a rational and cautious person—cancelling out his seemingly impulsive actions, and taking away his primary “gimmick.” 

Removing a gimmick turns a character from a caricature to a human, and as audience members, we’d love to see humanized versions of all the characters—but for the writer, the gimmicks make them stand out and differentiate them from each other. Now that we’re so much farther into the story, both us and Asagiri know all the characters much better now, and there’s definitely a higher chance of characters becoming more humanized in the future (note how a few characters have lost their gimmicks as the story progressed—Dazai became less focused on suicide, Ranpo became more competent and willing to do his job..). So I have high hopes that, while we probably will continue BSD with Atsushi getting meh character development, we will most likely see a few more light novels with other fan-favorites in the protagonist role.

NOW onto Fukuchi.

Fukuchi doesn’t deserve the hate he gets. His entire character is very Fullmetal Alchemist-esque. And we all love Fullmetal Alchemist. I truly don’t understand why we love the cast of FMAB and understand the story it’s trying to tell, but cannot understand Fukuchi. Yes, sometimes people go to war. And sometimes people to awful, horrible things. And then come to regret it. And want to make a change, and want to fix things, no matter what the cost may be. Why can we all root for Roy Mustang but draw the line at Fukuchi. Is the primary difference that Fukuchi is more powerful and therefore capable of and the cause of more destruction? Is it because Roy is a 20-something year old attractive guy and Fukuchi is an old man? Who knows, I think Roy with Fukuchi’s level of power might have been about the same as him.  

But why fandom circles choose to hate specific characters will always be a mystery to me. (even I, a professional hater, am baffled by a lot of what I see here)

Regardless, this is longer than I intended it to be. I hope I covered the topics properly, thanks for the ask!!

[createandconstruct]

430 for me felt big and meaningful and HOPEFUL and 431 is like… lackluster. I don’t hate it, I see some people’s concerns with it for sure, but it just feels so BLAH. Like you, I really liked the openness of 439’s ending! There was hope!!! There was love!!! Izuku could still be a hero!! It was so good for me.

431 feels…unnecessary. I don’t know if it added much. There were other things I would have liked to have clarity on instead.

Meh. Really mixed feelings for me. But what I really loved is hearing how much Izuku LOVES teaching. He didn’t SETTLE for a job that was good enough. He’s genuinely loving his career and what he’s doing. And now that he’s able to be a hero with everyone too, he really achieved his dream!

-Wonder

Wonder! ❤️

I have to agree with you about Izuku loving teaching. It makes my heart happy. Teaching really fits his spirit. He's always been good with children and was supported the most by his teachers, it makes sense he'd love taking on the role for the future generation.

But like you said I feel like I would have liked this chapter to be a happy send off. A celebration. I understand what Hori was going for with getting a glimpse into the grief that remains as well as the perspective that the heroes have a chance to explore who they are outside of their work (I feel a lot of those emotions are probably what he's feeling as he finishes the series and he's channeling it...)

But this is the LAST chapter. We may never see these characters in a full canon setting again! It would have been nice to see them all off happily, maybe get a glimpse of them after they're all in a better place. Like show me Todoroki making chopsticks and leaving offerings at Touya's alter, show me Ochako finding peace from Toga's death and happiness beyond overwork, show me Bakugou doing guest lessons at UA to teach the cocksure kids like himself some humility, show me Deku's suit in action and what it's capable of, the power it can replicate, show me Izuku's new "I'm here!" moment, the reaction of the public to see him back in action, TOSHI'S reaction to him back in action. Show me Izuku visiting other schools to share his experience (I'm assuming what he shares is the narrative from his notebook, what we've read throughout the series but show me).

With a whole extra chapter it would have been nice to end on a warm note. 425 - 430 already struck the melancholy chord and then 430 ended with that hopeful note! It would have been nice to stay there. To say goodbye to these characters and see them in the midst of happiness, rather than struggling through a new journey to find it.

[primewritessmut]

15, 19, 24, 26, and 30

15. favorite weather for writing

Jesus. I don't know! I've literally never thought about it. There are benefits to all the weather, I think, when it comes to nurturing writing but I think I like wet fall weather the best. When the leaves have all fallen and are turning to mush on the ground and hot drinks start becoming a necessity again. But that is all tied up in my cabin in the woods, bog witch dream future so... I mostly write when I can write.

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

Dude. YOU KNOW.

When I was writing bloody theater, the one-shot inspired by spirit box, I needed to research Victorian era medical practices so I more or less knew what the operating theater looked like and what kinds of tools Loki would be likely to use during the vivisection. Which led to me reading an entire book about Joseph Lister who is /sort of/ the father of modern medicine in the sense that he pioneered ways to minimize infection during surgery.

It was such a wild book and so interesting. I was literally sending you screenshots of some of the shit these Victorian doctors did. Like literally nothing has made me feel more kind toward current healthcare than that book.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

I usually stop writing and spend more time doing other hobbies. This past week I've been feeling sort of "meh" about Midori Sour and so haven't been writing at all BUT (!) I've read a ton of books, finished several crochet projects, and went to a few open shoots.

This very adult way of dealing with it is relatively new though. I used to just lay upon my fainting couch with my hand upon my brow and LAMENT for an hour before getting back to the word mines.

26. are you able to write with other people around?

Yes. I kind of have to be able to or I would never write at all.

Back in the day I was very much a "complete and total silence" writer but needs must when the devil drives which means I've had to adjust because I will never experience silence again.

(All that being said, I still think I'm most productive, and write better, when I can sit uninterrupted in a quiet space for an hour or more.)

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

Goddamn it.

I don't feel pride for fics because hitting post is the exact same thing as shoving them into a shallow grave and shoveling dirt over the body. They are dead to me. Gone. I've moved on now.

I don't knooooow.

I guess I'm proud of bloody theater because it was (1) a labor of love that landed exactly as I'd hoped and (2) it's something I never thought I'd have the balls to put in fic form (let alone ROMANTIC fic form). I'm also super proud of A Particular Set of Skills because it's very balls to the wall in a different way and has format that scared me a little. That one was not so much a labor of love as a Dear John letter to Spideypool. He Speaks Daggers is also probably up there. I think it's one of my mostly tightly plotted fics and it's emotional and romantic in a way that's very special to me.

Ask me again in three months and the answer will have changed to my most recent fics from that point in time, I'm sure.

x

[dark-side-blog3]

I play degrees of lewdity! day 2 warning for canon typical violence, noncon, and spoilers

++++

I went into the woods to see if something could interest me. Wenta little far in and heard a wolf howl. FUCK 0x0

++++

I managed to avoid the wolves so now I'm thinking that's only gonna be a problem if you've got beastiality toggled on. Also picked up some arrow heads that I can apparently sell at the museum! And I've got school the next ingame day so now I'm worried how I'm gonna be able to grind and get the cash i need for Bailey while also going to school... There's got to be consequences if you don't go to school, right? Even though this game is focused on fantasy rape? I feel like there are consequences if you don't go to school... Surely...

On the plus side I got hired at the docks for weekends so maybe that'll be good and help me earn some cash!

++++

ROBIN SOLD HER CONSOLE! Is there a way to spot her a bit of cash? :( I took her for a picnic so we had a little bit of fun and didn't end up staying out at night (can you get raped while walking with someone else in this game? Like irl yes but in game? The logic ain't really logic-ing because its a videogame so maybe it cancels out?)

also i found mickey and im trying to get him to purge my records of constant rape from the files and he's kinda weird?

++++

I forgot to save my game file before working at the brothel and I just didn't like it :/

Sooooo I'm going back to my last save which was before school started. I've got to redo all my efforts for classes but whatever :p

++++

Got raped while leaving school. its the cigerette event. Meh :/

++++

ey i am not a catholic but Sydney is amazing. Actually the best character in this game. I hope nothing bad ever happens to him and I will fight for this :) <3 What a wholesome guy.

AH sydney just asked what it means when people flirt with him. I know he's a grown man and can technically engage if he wants but he's so innocent I can't tell him the truth... I comforted him :')

++++

Loft discovered and exams passed eyyyyyy very good

++++

I got raped and they stole my skirt and panties! I tried to walk to the store to buy more clothes but I got accosted on the beach! My character ended up passing out from the pain. When i woke up a different group has stolen the rest of my clothes and collared me, and hypnotised my character to strip instead of concealing any exposed skin, which has six different body-writing phrases!

Fuck!

++++

Robin has confessed that she feels like Bailey is unreasonable :( poor girl.

++++

ROBINS AT THE DOCKS?!?!?!?! SHE COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY!

Im gonna save here incase i change my mind.

attempted to fight: Lost. Badly. Afterwards, got tossed into the sea without my clothes, got exposure, passed out, woke up with the feat "Alluring" achieved. Robin is still on the boat. proceed to get raped as soon as i wake up again. This is going to be struck from my record.

attempt to take robins place: She's successfully back on shore, I got tossed overboard while stripped and passed out again. Dolphin merfolk played with me though so I stopped being stressed. Swam to shore, and somehow it made my character less stressed. Got swept out to sea. ended up getting picked up by a boat and getting raped, but not by the same people as before. Fuckers tossed me overboard afterwards. Got beat up immidietly afterwards too by another gang of rapists. Robin better be as loyal as a dog to my character after this.

Had just enough energy to go get shackles removed at museum. and woke up in the hospital with doctor harper again. I am now supposed to go to therapy every Friday at the hospital. And I've now been arrested by the police, and am preforming five days of community service.

I took Robin to the hospital. I swear, Robin better be worth all the torment I went through. And there better be a DAMN good reason I have to drag Robin to the hospital after I literally passed out from pain and had to be carried in on a stretcher.

+++++++

Robin has not infact helped at all and has been somewhat useless.

++++

had consensual sex with a guy and it was actually so sweet <3 Askd him to wear a condom for oral sex and he did and he gave praise the whole time, what a sweet guy <3

++++

SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY ROOM WHILE I WAS GONE AND NOW MY PANTIES ARE MISSING???? WHAT THE HELL-- its got to be someone bailey approved of because he's canonically thrown a pervert out when they don't have a reason to be perving in the orphanage, but also??? I've been paying bailey, I've never missed a payment, and I've never fought him. Why??? Is it Kylar?

++++

I am in therapy w/harper, and he wants to hypnotize me. This feels like its about to go horribly wrong. It doesn't tell me what it is exactly when i overwhelmed, so I'm going to have to try really hard to keep my stress down!

++++

Aight I am making another save file with robin cuz i actually really like this timeline even though robin is useless

Also the cream buns are so good that whats his name (sam?) is buying the store next to it, which is great... Except for the fact that this is how i grind out the most cash. And I decided to take on robins debt like a moron.

++++

Kylar is stalking me. Confirmed because something was watching me since i left the house, and I saw him do that horror movie trope with the bus at nightinggale street.

But also i might restart the save because despite taking robins debit robin isn't at school. I'm not paying extra if shes not even here :/

Ah but a quick look at the reddit says this is normal, robin is just getting the fuck beat out of them. Well... Aint nothing I can do about that now.

+++

Got raped while trying to break into houses, and got raped on my way to the hospital for after pills :/

+++

My character is getting raped by rando's so much I'm bored reading the chats and I'm bored documeting them. I'll add anything of note. Like whatever the fuck is up with the mommy kink ginger sewer woman. Did not enjoy that. I am into mommy/daddy stuff within reason, and this was far outside of it.

+++

GOT RAPED AND WE KNOW WHAT HARPER HYPNOITSED ME FOR!! My character now gets aroused with painal, and smacking other peoples asses.

+++

" You chat with Sydney. "No one else has made such an effort to get to know me like this. Not in a long time, at least. I appreciate it." He holds up his holy pendant, kisses it, and places it against your forehead. "Blessings." | - Trauma" UWAAAHHHHH uwahhahanannannmmamammhpmmmhmmmmmmmwuaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh I WOULD DIE FOR SYDNEY ;A; Like the cross thing is... a tiny bit uncomfy, but its known he is such a sweetheart and no one wants to talk to him??? uwahhhhh poor boooyyy..... (I've had some bad run ins with various religious students who were super religious so when I say this crucifix use is a nice one TRUST me its so sweet because I know what threating crucifix use is). SYDNEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SWEET DARLING (platonic)

+++

HARPER PUT ME IN THE ASYULM?!?!?!?!?! HE KIDNAPPED ME! AM I IN A SOFTLOCK?! WHAT ABOUT BAILEY?! I HAVEN'T PAID HIM! HARPER KIDNAPPED ME?!?!?!?!?

I'M GOING TO LOOSE MY FUCKING MIND OAOAOBQGOAFACEQWRAGW

[hellhound5925]

Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* Bad Batch Edition

Previous Chapter

Tipping Point

The guys help Shep and Phee organize the civilians for the time being and Hunter approaches us under the tree. He crouches down and puts a hand on Omega's cheek "You alright?" She shakes her head but I'm sure he can tell shes just trying to play it off. He looks up at me "We are going to stay and help the rebuild the lower levels. For now, we are going to get the people organized up here before we make a plan." I nod, "Let me know what I can do." He smiles "I think you're doing it." I glance down at both girls who seem to be settling down. We lock eyes "I can't believe you jumped over the wall." I shrug "I'd do anything to keep you all safe and I know you'd do the same for me." He puts a hand on my cheek "Just don't get yourself killed" his tone of voice is harsh like he wants to scold me but the look on his face is soft. Tech calls him over. Putting his forehead against mine for a moment he says "I'll be back." I nod knowing we probably won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Omega picks her head up "You jumped over the wall?" I chuckle "It wasn't the big wall, just from Shep's place." Lyana looks at me shocked "Mandalorian's are crazy." I shrug "I wasn't about to let you two get stuck out there alone. I didn't really jump...I slid." Omega throws her arms around me "I know I can always count on you." I hug her back giving her a gentle squeeze. She lets go of me, stands up, and composes herself before speaking again "We should help them... I want to help them." A smile spreads across my face and Lyana pops up "I want to help too." "I guess that settles it then" Standing up I brush myself off "We'd better go join the others."

————

The plan we came up with - at least for now - was to get everyone whatever they could from their homes. We divided everyone into groups so that one of us could go with about 30 people at one time. With five groups of 30ish people...it took all day. For the most part everyone was able to get enough belongings to make themselves comfortable for the time being. Most of the women helped prepare a meal for the entire village while Omega, Lyana, and I helped grab supplies. At around dusk, I was finally able to sit down. I always prided myself on staying in shape but after going up and down the hundreds of steps all day long....my legs feel like jelly. Needing some space, I wander away from everyone and climb up onto the stone wall, dangling my feet over the edge. The ocean has finally calmed and the animals seem to be coming back out from wherever they were hiding. Looking down below, the image is sad compared to the beautiful one we had last night. The entirety of Lower Pabu is dark, the sight makes me sigh sadly. Echo would have enjoyed this view...I pull up my vambrace and punch in Echo's code. I get no answer but leave a message, "Havoc 4, this is Havoc 6. I hope everything is going well. We're all safe so please don't worry. I just wanted to let you know that we all miss you.....I also kept my promise to you...but I can tell you when we see each other again. Stay safe vod (Brother)."

I sit there alone for quite sometime, breathing in the ocean air. The sounds of boots approaching pulls my attention away from the ocean. Looking over my shoulder, I'm not surprised to see Hunter. He stops next me. "We just can't catch a break, can we?" He sighs "No, but what we did today...it saved everyone living here." I nod and look down between my feet "Maker I really am dini'la (insane)..." He hops up on the edge next to me and looks down. "Ni ceta (I'm sorry), I didn't mean to scare you earlier...I just couldn't imagine losing Omega out there...she sounded so scared..." "Gar shuk meh kyrayc (You're no use dead/said to encourage rest/not literal)" I quirk a brow at his statement "oh so that's all I am to you huh?" I tease. He sighs and shakes his head. Teasing him honestly gives me life, "What's the matter Sarge? Am I too much for you to handle" I wink at him before spinning around and hoping off the wall. I start to walk away but stop and look over my shoulder "If you can't sleep...you know where to find me." With that I head to my hut for the night.

————This is your warning now...it's going to get spicy. Minors look away————

Just as I'm about to head to bed there's a knock on my door. I smile to myself and bound over to the door. Flinging it open Hunter is standing there, I opt to continue to tease him "Something I can help you with Sarge?" There's a fire behind his eyes and without a word he comes in, shutting the door behind him. He stops only a few inches from me and looks me in the eye. "Do you know what it does to me when you call me that?" His voice is deep and lustful. I can't pull my eyes away from his lips, "What does it do to you...Sarge?" His breath hitches and something primal takes over. He slides his hands over my hips and lifts me off the ground. Wrapping my legs around his core, he kisses me with such passion - I know I'm the only female in the galaxy lucky enough to have this man's full attention.

He carries me to the bedroom, setting me on the bed before straddling me. He hesitates for a second like he's struggling for words, chest heaving, eyes roaming my face like he's waiting for me to protest. His pupils are blown wide - like his senses are working overtime - leaving honey brown halos around them. Knowing that I have this man such a mess in this moment makes me want to savor it. I bite my lip and run my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath like he's trying to calm himself. "Hunter..." I whisper and he opens his eyes again. Leaning up to meet him, I kiss his neck over his pulse point and I can feel his heart racing. He lets out a soft grunt. Trailing up to his ear I whisper "It's okay." Laying back down on the bed I reach down, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. His eyes wander down stopping for a moment on my tattoo before traveling to the other side where theres a scar from our mining experience. Sliding one hand up from my hip, he runs a thumb over the scar and I flinch - only because the contact sends a current throughout my whole body. His eyes flick up to mine and his expression softens like he might have felt it. I slide my hands up under his shirt and pull it over his head - the wild look returning in his eyes. He peppers kisses from my cheek all he way down my neck, making his way to my chest, between my breasts, and down to my stomach. The action sends me over the edge and I grip he sheets balling them in my fists. He lifts his head with a mischievous smirk before sliding my pants and underwear off before he follows suit with his own. My hands roam his muscular body before he stops me and puts them above my head. "I think you've teased me enough" his deep, husky voice in my hear. Now he's got my full attention and I find myself begging or him. "I need you...fill me..." I practically command him. He quirks a brow "I thought I was the one who gave the orders?" "Please Sarge..." I plead. Hunter wastes no time following orders...

————

The light through the small window is what wakes me. I look over to my left see the tangled mess of sheets and him. He's sleeping so peacefully...I don't think I've ever seen him that peaceful... I run my fingers over the tattoo on his face. Without opening his eyes he hums his satisfaction with the contact. I roll myself on top of him and pepper kisses along his neck. He rolls me back over so now he's over me and I giggle. There's a knock on my door "Raven...It's Omega. Have you seen Hunter? He's not in his hut." He sighs and I bit my lip so I don't burst out in laugher. Taking a deep breath I answer "Just a second!" Hunter rolls off me on his back and I climb over him out of bed. "I'm going to shower quick and get my armor around. I'll meet you up there" I say from the door frame. He tosses an arm over his face and grunts.

After getting my full kit on I head to the top, buy'ce (Helmet) under one arm, practically skipping. "What's with you?" Tech asks without looking up from his datapad. "Nothing. I'm just ready to go" I shrug. He gives me a look. "Come one Tech like you really want to know..." "Raven you are like a sister to me...Enough said" he puts a hand up to stop me. Wrecker, Hunter, and Omega join us. "Alright so what's the plan?" Omega asks. "We could work our way up. The less damaged homes will take less time to fix, so it might be easier to end with them" I offer my opinion. "By my calculations, with everyone helping we should be able to repair the damage completely in 20-30 rotations." We all look to Hunter to give the final say. He nods "Alright. Let's get to work."

————

In 10 few short rotations we were able to get the first level of Pabu back to it's former glory - also with a few advancements thanks to Tech. Wrecker is out fishing on the dock to help replenish the food supply, while Hunter and I are helping unload some cargo. I heard back from Echo the other day and he said he needed help and would be stoping by. We were all very much looking forward to seeing him. "This friend of yours who's stopping by, he's another clone?" Shep asks Hunter. "Yeah, but don't worry. He's not with the Empire." "If you trust him, that's enough for me." Wrecker approaches with a large fish on his shoulder, "The new fishing dock's been rebuilt and moored. And I caught some dinner!" He laughs. I smile "You've been busy." "You got that right!" Lyana and a few of the others come up "Hey Wrecker. Can we get your help? We're fortifying the sea wall." Wrecker puts the fish down before bounding after them "Sure thing, boss"

Shep smiles "He's become an integral part of this community...you all have. Any chance you've reconsidered staying permanently?" Shep asks us. The question makes me sad...Hunter and I had many discussions over it and he just doesn't feel like we can stay here without putting what they have at risk. "For soldiers, putting down roots is an occupational hazard." He tells Shep. "Is that all you are? A soldier?" He asks gesturing at me and likely hinting about Omega. Hunter glances at me sadly. I sigh and step away from the conversation, sitting on a crate. I myself am torn because I understand where Hunter is coming from. Not only that, there is a galaxy out there that needs people like us...we kinda knew this was too good to be true but it was a nice break...Hunter and I spent many late nights and early mornings together...Omega and I have been working on her Mando'a and other Mandalorian traditions. She seems to really enjoy it and I'm happy to teach someone. She's also been working with Tech...on flying...The Marauder soars overhead and I smile to myself, imaging Tech white knuckling the copilot's chair. I offered to trade with him every so often but he insisted on being the one to teach her...I left it alone. The look on his face is still worth seeing...I comm them "How's it going up there Tech?" "Thanks to my excellent instruction, and ability to think clearly in stressful situations, She is indeed improving." He sounds stressed which causes me to burst into a fit of laugher, drawing the attention of Shep, Hunter, and the others around me. I watch as the Marauder comes back into view and is positioned in preparation for what Omega and I have dubbed "The Tech Turn" which is what he would describe as 'a sharp swing with a zero thruster pull' but The Tech Turn has a cooler ring to it.

My comm link goes off "Havoc-4 this is Havoc-5...do you copy?" I jump up with excitement and race to the landing pad. Both the Marauder and another ship have just landed and are dropping their ramps. Omega races out of the Marauder with Tech behind her and I see Echo emerge from the other ship. Echo laughs and looks around "You weren't kidding...this place is remote." Omega and I take turns hugging Echo. "I'm surprised you're not on Ord Mantell with Cid" he continues. I laugh nervously "Well...we've been—" Tech cuts me off "Reevaluating things. You mentioned needing some assistance with data decryption." Leave it to Tech to get right down to business... Echo hands him a data chip "This is what's left of the files I recovered from an Imperial shuttle. It was transporting clone prisoners, and we need to know where and why." This news makes me sad, "You all deserve so much better..." Echo gives me a sad smile and throws an arm over my shoulder. "On a better topic...tell me about Hunter..."

Making our way down to our huts I fill Echo in on everything that's been going on. He laughs at some of my stories and is over all happy to hear how things have gone in his absence. When we get to the huts, Hunter is there waiting. Echo shakes his hand and looks between him and I, "I hear you two have been busy." Hunter quirks a brow at me and I shrug. No I didn't tell Echo the dirty details....but he's not stupid... we get him something to eat while Tech gets is working on the decryption.

Hunter and Echo catch up, while Wrecker chases Omega and Lyanna around the tree on the landing pad. I stand next to Shep and we watch. Waiting for the opportune moment, I race the opposite way around the tree and scoop Omega up, tossing her over my shoulder. She lets out a loud squeal and I laugh.

————

Echo and I walk around the perimeter of the landing zone and catch up. "You all plan to stay here indefinitely?" He asks. I stop and watch as Raven races around the tree and scoops a squealing Omega up. I sigh "We...haven't decided yet but, to be honest....it might be the best thing for us." Echo follows my gaze, "You love her don't you." I don't say anything, just watch them for a moment. "Yeah...I suppose I do..." I finally admit sighing, before changing the subject "What about you? What have you been up to?" His facial expression changes to a more serious one "Rex and I have built up a small network of clones. Some are in hiding, underground. Others act as our contacts within the Empire." Now I'm starting to worry for his sake "Echo, you've seen the power you're up against. You can't defeat them." "It's not about that. It's about fighting for our brothers." I sigh again, "I understand why you're doing this but....when will it be enough?" My comm link beeps and I answer "Hunter, I decrypted the data. You need to get back to the ship."

————

Hunter and Echo came to grab us saying Tech had decrypted the files and wanted us back at the ship. Inside we all gather around to hear what he's found, "The Imperial transport Echo highjacked was assigned to the Advanced Science Division."Hunter crosses his arms "Never heard of it." "That is because it is a clandestine operation. There are no records on its location or its purpose. All I could find on it was the chief scientist in charge, Dr. Royce Hemlock. An officer expelled from the Republic science corps due to unorthodox experiments" Tech continues. My stomach drops and a wave of nausea hits me like a brick wall...Hunter gives me a funny look and places a hand on my back. "Why were they sending clone prisoners to him?" Omega asks sadly. Tech sighs "I don't know, but it gets worse. Previous transfer records recovered from the ships logs list other clone prisoners detained by the Advanced Science Division...and Crosshair is one of them." We are all shocked by this news "You mean Crosshair turned on the Empire? After he turned on you?" I ask. Hunter lets go of me and clenches his fists "How sure are you about this?" I've haven't seen him so deadly serious since the first time we met. My stomach is doing flips. "Very. After discovering his clone number on the transfer register, I checked and found a recent distress message sent from Crosshair's old code" Tech explains further. "What did it say?" Omega asks him. "Plan 88. The Seeker. We are being targeted. I believe he is warning us." Swallowing hard I speak up "Or...it's a trap..." I feel bad for even having the thought but based on what they've told me about him...it wouldn't be the first time. Hunter glances at me and I can tell by the solemn look on his face he was thinking the same thing. Wrecker grunts "We'll, how do we find out?"

Next Chapter

[scruffyplayssonic]

Are the ArchieSonic comics actually an 80's/90's syndicated cartoon? Episode 26: Hero and villain glued/chained/otherwise stuck together and begrudgingly cooperate to gain their autonomy (part 2)

Looks like you guys get a second post from me today, because I was reminded that I had missed a fairly infamous story back when I looked at the "hero and villain trapped together" episode. I hardly need an invitiation to bitch some more about Ken Penders, so let's take a look at the final main story arc from the Knuckles the Echidna comics before they were cancelled, King of the Hill.

I'm not quite sure what this cover's supposed to be saying. "No guns allowed"? Why didn't they just do what E.T. did and give Hunter a walkie talkie instead? :P

This story featured Knuckles having to deal with two new antagonists who wanted to tear him a new one: a human (or Overlander, if you prefer) hunter named... err, Hunter, and a purple gorilla... or monkey... named Monk.

I will now pause for a moment so you can all get your laughter out of your systems.

I know, I know. But let's not forget (as was pointed in an Off Panel strip I sadly have not been able to find) that the Sonic the Hedgehog series is full of silly names. The speedy hedgehog is named Sonic, the two-tailed fox is named Tails, the spiky-fisted echidna is named Knuckles, the pyrokinetic cat is named Blaze, and so on. But don't worry, Mr. Penders will give us plenty of other material to shake our heads at in this story.

The story kicked off when Monk, Knuckles' childhood bully, returned to the Floating Island looking to pick a fight with him. And considering why he'd been missing from the island for years, it's hard not to blame him for being pissed. Look, don't get me wrong - bullies are a massive problem and often ruin people's lives. I was bullied when I was younger, and it can do terrible things to your self esteem. But check out this flashback of how Knuckles' father and grandfathers decided to deal with Monk back when he was bullying preteen Knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Ken! This is how you portray your so-called heroes?! Knuckles' father and other ancestors, the ones who supposedly knew best and had all the answers?! Monk looks like he was still a teenager at the time, and for the crimes of (refers to notes) stealing Knuckles' yo-yo, bear-hugging him, and tossing him out of a tree, the cabal of mysterious grandpas just sentenced him to death?! I just... they go from hiding in the shadows and leaving Knuckles completely alone to... this? One of the memes most associated with Locke is how he microwaved his baby because he had a bad dream, but I feel this decision is just as worthy of mockery. Robotnik invades the island multiple times and tries to steal the Chaos Emerald? Meh, it'll be fine, Locke clearly doesn't need to do anything about it. But a teenage gorilla steals his kid's yo-yo? That is apparently worthy of an execution party! As Bart Simpson would say, "No offense, Locke, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed over-parenting."

Anyway...

Before the fight between Knuckles and Monk could be resolved, our other new antagonist showed up. Easily knocking out Monk, Hunter invited Knuckles to join him and his new captive aboard his ship, where Knuckles found out just how passionate of a hunter he really was.

Man, I can't believe Sonic the Hedgehog got his head cut off by this lunatic. :(

It turned out Hunter was looking for a challenge, and decided he wanted to hunt both Knuckles and Monk for sport. Knuckles initially refused to cooperate, but reluctantly agreed after Hunter threatened to shoot a photo of his girlfriend, Julie-Su.

Monk and Knuckles were ordered to wear special collars and to run for their lives, but quickly found out that the collars would shock them if they got too far from each other.

Knuckles led Monk into the hidden sewers of Hydro City, hoping to shake their hunter, but he managed to track them down via their footprints. They managed to hide overhead in the pipes and tried to lay a trap, but when Knuckles lost his footing and slipped it set off their collars. Monk didn't handle that very well.

Alas, poor Monk, we hardly knew him. No seriously, we really didn't. Anyway, Knuckles got so angry that his chaos powers went off and...

Is that supposed to be blood coming out of Hunter's hands? I guess they couldn't show red blood in an all-ages comic book, maybe? That's the only way I can make sense of that panel.

Anyway, Knuckles and Locke stripped Hunter down to his underpants - for some reason - and locked him up in an underwater bubble.

Actually, Knuckles raises a good question. How does he eat in there? ...or go to the toilet? ...oh god. I really hope my second question wasn't the answer to my first question.

This storyline gets a lot of criticism, and rightfully so. The story itself isn't really engaging to me, and back when I read it for the first time all I wanted to know was why I should give a damn about this stupid purple gorilla who used to beat up Knuckles when he was a little kid. And of course, there's the lack of unoriginality from this whole story. Aside from the characters' dumb names there's also an undeniable similarity between this Hunter and a certain other well-known Hunter, from the Spider-Man franchise...

...as well as this story likely being inspired by the novel "The Most Dangerous Game." Oh, and there's this panel from part two of the story which James Bond fans may recognise from The Man with the Golden Gun:

Weird, but at least it's not as cringey as that time he traced Anthony Mackie's face for his Lara-Su Chronicles project. But anyway, this was the last story Ken Penders got to tell in the Knuckles comics before they were cancelled. It didn't really seem to throw him off though, he just ended continuing telling them as the backup stories in the main Sonic book instead. Sigh.

I'd like to finish up tonight on a positive note though, so here's a shoutout to the person who reminded me that I'd missed this story, the superstar that is Aleah Baker! A former contributor to the ArchieSonic series, Aleah wrote for, coloured, and designed characters for numerous issues before the series' cancellation, with her most well-known work probably being the fan-favourite Spark of Life arc that she wrote for Sonic Universe #71 - 74.

More recently she coloured Jon Grey's alternate cover for IDW Sonic issue #50, and the two of them made it look gorgeous!

Aleah is an awesome individual, and it is nothing short of an honour to know she's been reading my rants. :)

All right, that's it from me for tonight. As I said in my post from earlier today, next time I'll be looking at times in ArchieSonic when the hero was kidnapped and it was the sidekick's time to shine. See you then!

[storiesofsvu]

When things are a bit meh (I feel like an awful human because I'm f#$%) what do I do? Have a cry, listen to depressingly sad music and drown myself in angsty angst.

So I've yet again a re-read of Her Everything. I needed to get super upset and angry at Rafael leaving her like he did 🤬. I love the female Detective, how strong she is considering and how well you wrote her.

I know I've probably messaged many times over - but I ❤️ this series.

Ps. I hope everything has everything going okay 💛

that legit sounds like what i do when im sad or angry.. i legit got suuuuper frustrated with a manager at work once and was so fucking mad a him i came home and wrote an angst piece using his name as the perp... LOL. so i feel ya.

UGH... i should re-read that one sometime soon (spoiler alert; ive been working my way through my series that i really like and have been re-reading trying to figure out which ones i would potentially be able to re-work into original fiction...) i DO think her everything has too much canon in it to end up working, but we'll see.

thank you for your constant kind word and support! love you bestie!

things are okay, frustrations over work but i have a meeting with the gm to hopefully fix some shit!

[imunbreakabledude]

I never got why after all these leagues there isnt some kind of dupe protection in place. I know that runescape is like the grind personified into a game but at least in a limited time mode i should be able to throw back dupes like how you can in blue moons for a chance at a new unique, if not a cap on how many dupes you can get because not being able to finish your build because you got rng'd feels horrible. I also feel like some ideas could be yoinked and retrofitted from rs3 about bad luck mitigation for leagues. I fear im becoming that guy who always finds a way to shove in the thing he likes into a conversation that isnt related to it lol

Also also i really agree with you about toa in general, its a really nice looking raid and I love the music and sound effects but like 80% of it is just such a slog to get through. None of the puzzles really feel difficult or interesting since runelite auto solves like 2.5 of them and i have a special disdain for monkey room pre max hit change, its not so terrible now but i will forever hold a grudge. The puzzles feel like autopilot meh or built to annoy me specifically. I really want to like the raid because i love almost everything desert related in both games but like the only good part of it is wardens and i just dont have the patience to sit through the rest of it or god forbid i get caught on one of the zebak waves and have to weigh resetting for purple chance or just finishing the raid, can't imagine going through it on an iron pre fang and lightbearer since those are so good for actually doing toa. Every time i go into toa i always have the thought 'damn i could be doing cox right now, or like anything else'

Also also also i'm not sure if you know the trick for getting consistent one downs on het puzzle so ill just leave this short video here, if you already know about it just ignore me. Anyways sorry for yapping into your ask box and i hope osrs, and life in general, has been treating you well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA1B90KmS7U

lol i got lots to say about all this too so buckle up

first - this is funny because I actually did type more of a rant about the het puzzle which got deleted by tumblr because APPARENTLY you aren't supposed to write thousands of words in the tags... but I did know the trick for 1-downs, I learned it when trying to get the combat achievement in the maingame, but personally I find it hard to get the right position/timing for it with many of the puzzle layouts. there's like one where it's pretty easy for me to get lined up right for the 1-down and for all the others I'm sure it's possible if you set it up right but it feels like so much effort for something so stupid. and it really pisses me off that it's like, if you're tick perfect you can avoid doing the same puzzle twice but if you're one tick off you must do it twice to remove 3hp left on the statue. I don't mind perfect timing/setup being rewarded, that's cool, but I like it best when that saves you a BIT of time but it still feels viable if you're ALMOST perfect? like it just feels so annoying to know you were 0.6sec or one tile positioning away from literally cutting the room in half... especially when it's so dull to do. tbh I should just get 99 mining so i can one-down without having to be tick perfect (definitely viable to knock out 99 mining before going back to toa in leagues, maybe not in the maingame LOL)

with the toa puzzles, it's tough bc I feel like Jagex wanted to mix it up and make this raid feel a bit different than just a boss rush but I don't know that they realized just how stupid they'd feel after doing them every time? yes you can make the argument that everything in runescape is repetitive and gets boring after a bit, but at least with CoX puzzle rooms you don't always get the same ones in every raid, and some of the "puzzles" are actually combat (ice demon), and they're also just a bit faster & have a few different strategies you can use depending on solo/group and skill/gear level, versus ToA puzzles that... well, I assume Jagex wasn't HOPING everyone would instantly use plugins to solve the puzzles for them, but they had to know it'd happen. because even if you enjoy figuring it out yourself the first few times it just gets dull to do it manually after a while... so it feels like a design mistake to have 2/4 puzzles that are the equivalent of clue scroll puzzle boxes, but taking 1-2 minutes to do.

also, comparing it to another aspect of the game that gets complained about a lot - gauntlet prep - I don't hate gauntlet prep, personally. it can also be frustating if you're "on the cusp" and lose 8min of work to a close bossfight BUT unlike ToA challenge rooms it's a bit more varied and has more skill expression. and it also ties into how you face the fight - toa puzzle rooms might be more engaging if how you solved them affected the boss that comes after them? but they don't. they're just extra steps, so they feel annoying. granted I'm saying that I don't mind or even slightly LIKED gauntlet prep after getting fairly lucky at CG, but... I did that prep 300+ times and don't hate it, while I've done the ToA Challenge rooms maybe... 30 or so times and already hate them.

zebak waves are the bane of my existence too... i mean that's hyperbole but they piss me off because they are so EASY to dodge in theory and yet somehow I manage to accidentally path into them once every 5 or so raids. i remember when ds2 came out and I had done ZERO pvm that galvek fight was super hard for me to beat and his wave attack was one part i really struggled with, bc it instakilled you, but yknow what, I hate that less than zebak. bc it's just rude how zebak's waves DON'T instakill you except they give you such a pitifully small window to 'recover' that you end up just watching yourself die slowly instead of instantly while clicking in vain to try to escape. Zebak is annoying bc he feels like both the easiest and hardest boss to me - generally very easy BUT he's also the one where if things go slightly wrong... i just die. so i've been doing him first every time because I really struggle if he's leveled up by Walk the Path whereas with the other bosses i barely notice if they're leveled up.

I'm so annoyed about this raid already with leagues making me super OP so I dread going back to the regular game where i will hit zeroes. lmao. the fact that fang and lightbearer are so common (relatively speaking) definitely feels bad for mains but good for irons bc they're accessible upgrades to help doing more ToA but it's definitely rough starting out... and hey, Shadow also reallllly helps with ToA so why didn't they make that as common as fang? (/s of course lol)

re: dry protection. I feel split on dry protection in Leagues for similar reasons I feel split on it for the maingame. I'm not worried about the economic effects or anything; I think as it is already, bots and RWT fuck the economy way more than dry protection ever could. what makes me split about it is that, for better or worse, the randomness is part of this game? and the feeling of getting lucky hits different when you know how unlucky you COULD get; likewise, the feeling of going dry and then finally getting it is a really rewarding feeling... at least for SOME drops. but the fact remains that certain grinds feel way worse to go dry on, and when one person gets very unlucky and goes dry a lot of places, that just... sucks. so I'm not totally opposed to a gentle version of dry protection where the longer you go without a certain unique, your rate of it increases... I'm not in favor of guaranteed pity drops in general EXCEPT for specific situations like Vorkath's head, for simple untradeable upgrades, especially those that you already had to do a quest to unlock (side note, it pissed me off that ancient icon didn't have the guaranteed drop like vorkath's head, feels like it should).

in leagues I see the argument for it being a limited time mode so we should make it as fun as possible BUT it's a fine line to me. because as annoyed as i am not getting what i want from raids, I also don't know that it would be that much more fun for me if I knew I'd get a new purple every raid? because then it'd just become a checklist of like, "I'll do ToA ~8 times, then do CoX ~15 times, then go back to whichever one's faster for me to get other megarares for all the tasks" and the league would feel "over" even faster than it already does? as i said it's a fine line. because going dry sucks especially in a temp mode, but on the other hand, if I knew I was guaranteed to get all the highest-end drops in a certain amount of time, it would just feel like a routine to unlock it quickly then have no reason to continue. idk. it's hard to say. I've always been a proponent of making your leagues build in such a way that you know you'll have fun even if you don't get rare gear because it's kinda hard to get some items even with 5x rate. and I'm enjoying my build as it is even without full masori/tbow. I see the argument for it but idk if I fully believe in it...

I do think it was a great choice by jagex to put dry protection on the echo orbs/echo items though. because those are things that are ONLY available in this limited time mode, so making sure everyone can access them reasonably helps ensure everyone gets to try out the specific fun that's unique to this league. whereas if you can't get a tbow/shadow/whatever in th league, that might be disappointing, but you still can hypothetically enjoy those in the main game. but this is literally the only chance to play with the echo stuff.

I think they also made a great call with the megarare vouchers and making multiple purples possible for a team in ToA/HMT. and take my opinion here with a grain of salt as someone who didn't raid in past leagues and hasn't raided much in the maingame. but it still feels a LITTLE wonky now... ToA and TOB feel much better as raids to grind in leagues now, right? but now CoX feels awkwardly bad? it had the advantage before of being the only one where multiple purples could be obtained in a team (i think) but now it doesn't have the same guarantees for teams AND it has the lowest megarare chance out of the 3 raids? as someone with both zeah and desert I would go back and forth between cox and toa to mix it up but it just feels so silly when a tbow would make cox so much easier and a tbow could be obtained faster from toa, yknow?

yeah lol anyway there's all my rants about raids in leagues... definitely feeling the tiniest bit of regret over not going morytania now but this trio made sense for the build i wanted, and i might do an alt with something like VTM melee if I have the time/energy after getting dragon cup.

[alexeimcconville]

My First Published Book: After Thoughts

Let me first credit the artist, Brenna Goche. She provided the cover art and it's absolutely wonderful. I appreciate her work.

I published this book in 2021 and am pretty proud I was able to do so. However, as they say, "you learn from your mistakes," I'd also reason that, at times, you can't learn without making mistakes. I guess they call that experience. I was so set on that title, 'About a Hero: The Dispute with Fantasy.' It's not so bad, yet it feels . . . meh. I was going for this meta thing because it's a story about a hero, you get it? And 'The Dispute with Fantasy' subtitle, though relevant to the story, feels too generalized. I also had no art for the back cover, which was my fault because I didn't want to spend more money for another commission, so I cropped one of the butterflies from the main image and blew it up. Then there's the cover formatting which I did myself, because I didn't want to spend the money. I had a thought how it would turn out but had no way to confirm my intention with the self-publishing service provider I was using, (or there were ways that I decided not to go about because it felt good on my end), and it's a mess. As was my decision on the blurb that was meant to be meta, too, and . . . I have the same meh feeling. As for the text formatting, which (you guessed it) I also did myself. It's passable but lacks flair. The titles for each chapter are barely bigger than the text and sit right at the top. All these things I didn't even think about, or never could have possibly noticed until I had the actual physical book in my hands, but then it was too late to go back and make changes. I'm proud of myself, and I'm proud of my book, yet I can't help this lingering sense of disappointment. Still, I learned from this. By the way, the lesson isn't, "leave it to the professionals," no. What I learned was how to format the cover and the text better for my next project because I still do not want to spend money.

But of all my concerns, they're only for the visual elements. I pray that people don't judge a book by its cover, as the idiom goes, because the content is golden. Well, I think so. I love writing and have never not love what I write. There are times I feel I can do better, maybe parts are a bit boring or drag on too long, but I love my work. I love my books. I am my first fan. And I have to say that this book is amazing. The only changes I'd make would be to alter the canon because, since completing this book, I've started working on other books within the IP.

For now, the book will remain as is. But my plan in the future is to remove it from circulation and republish it under a new title/subtitle with improved formatting. Unfortunately, doing so requires money which I don't have. (Or better to say I would rather use what little money I do have to publish new books. One day, when I have extra cash, I'll republish). Perhaps this version might become a collector's item. One can only hope.

Buy here. I get better commissions.

[feuqueerfire]

A Killer Paradox Live Blogging

Might be ill-advised to start this right now because there are 2 days and a few hours left of March and I'm someone who wants to finish series that month I started them/not have carry-over. I also have a bunch of stuff to do this weekend, so might not be able to watch 8 hours of show rip.

I've been anticipating this since early last year back when it was Murder Dieary and I heard about it on Certified Noonas 2023 show releases where they mentioned it's by the same director of Strangers From Hell, which I really liked. I've heard meh things about it though, so I'm trying to keep my expectations low and hoping to be surprised lol

Ep 1 (Mar 29)

I too feel directionless and aimless is life <3

ah, parallels before he hammers that man's head

the blind woman walking by and not realizing why her dog is behaving strangely since she can't see the dude or the dead body was really good

fun to make him be a cheater and a thief who's used to getting away with his misdeeds or crimes

oh, another person died that night? is it the old man?

are we gonna have a killer and a detective sort of dynamic? Love that

so the dude that our guy Lee Tang killed first hit that old man in the head with a brick or whatever? Makes sense since I think the synopsis was that Lee Tang can tell who is evil or something

ohhh Lee Tang killed a serial killer mans. I knew that from the synopsis but didn't expect it to be some guy with a hidden identity lol

I was not expecting to see sex and topless woman in here

that was so disgusting with the hands

dog and hammer

So the insect over the hammer meant that the detective didn't see Tang take it out right?

Ep 2 (Mar 29)

hearing people be glad that the man he killed is dead, even hearing his mother say that the murder was "God's retribution" oh

omg ?! so the girl with the dog wasn't actually blind and indeed was Lee Tang and the murdered guy?

Is he gonna kill her?

Detective Jang is trying to find the police officer who killed his father (I'm guessing his dad was a cop too?)

So that hammer is with the woman, I was wondering what's up with that but I guess she came back and picked it up?

oh, she's so fucked up and fun, I love her

ah, as expected, he aims to kill her

but extremely little planning my guy, doing this in broad daylight and leaving evidence like fingerprints in blood. that's not surprising though, he's clearly in a tight spot

she was doing research on Lee Tang, ig it'll help the Detective make the connection

and she also had a body in her backyard wowie (as the synopsis said he had a knack for killing evil people)

I like all the little scenarios of him imagining different situations or him seeing his victims' faces/bodies

ah, dog licking over all the blood really saving Lee Tang's ass rn ig?

ahh the other friend did know Tang stole his iPad

he killed the two teenagers by himself and dragged them to that pit or what?

oh somebody else helped him? Telegram OnlyForHeroes?

I read some people's opinions and people were saying it's slow and also gets sadder + some other old guy is introduced? idk but so far, I'm quite liking it and it's not that slow for me for now (esp cuz I'm watching 1.1-1.2x speed lol)

Ep 3 (Mar 30)

Yeo-ok backstory woah

oh, those fuckers who Tang killed raped that girl who then committed suicide? and his mother godddd what a fucking useless pos, was making a scene at the girl's funeral? kys

plss not the female part-timer being like yep Tang broke the "welcome!" sound thing at the door when she even told Tang that if it breaks one day, know that she herself did it loll

how does the detective who quit and his family relate to this? Also, Nan-gam? Is the name of this show smth Nangam?

oh this Telegram Heroes was also helping the girl's father to kill these high school fuckers?

The times where the reality blends with imagination or memories is so good

The bag with hammer and evidence got thrown into the river by the thief?

I stopped watching this last night with like 8 mins left of the ep lol

nooo man don't kill yourself, you're supposed to give Tang answers

oh the pit was just on the other side

whoo is this batman/hero telegram guy

Lots and lots of shows have a story of a young girl being raped, not seeing justice as the law is useless, and committing suicide and then having a (usually male) relative take justice into their own hands (most recently, the Sign with the brother aiming to avenge her). I get why they do it, it's a scenario that's very easy to empathize with and the first part of the scenario (girl is raped but the perpetrators get off scot-free) is very common but it's so sad every time.

Also... I wish the girl wouldn't kill herself every time... like the pattern being that she's sympathetic because she was innocent/pure/naive and also died too soon is like yes true, but girls and women who are sexually active/not "pure" or "good" still deserve empathy and the only action after being raped isn't that they must take their own life

Ep 4 (Mar 30)

I read 1 line about ep 4 from the on-air and it's that the detective gets fired or smth

Heroes killed some office dude, I guess he'd done something bad

wait what? the batman shirt guy, is it the same as guy who was wearing glasses + batman shirt during convo with the father? but he was doing a broadcast discussing the cases or whatever, I don't think the real Heroes dude would do that... who is this guy and how does Detective Jang know him?

what does Detective Jang know about this batman kid?

So much mystery around Batman and Detective

and is the helmet guy with Batman in any way related to the helmet guy who stole Lee Tang's bag? don't remember his face

next up on this Batman's hitlist: Detective Jang wtf this beating

but also Detective seems to know about Batman getting other people to do murders? (like urging the father to kill those boys)

lol hidden cameras

He says he's Roh Bin (Robin) but he's posing more like Batman

Lee Tang has already met the second person who worked with Roh Bin (the father? he's dead now tho) and he says they should hope to never meet the first person...

he's just talking around with the OnlyForHeroes sweater?

oh this is kinda fun, I didn't realize it was actually Lee Tang who killed the prosecutor in the beginning of the ep but I guess he's listening to his powers now

bruh, wait, was it Lee Tang who came to Roh Bin's house with the helmet? I'm so bad at recognizing faces since he didn't have his hair down the same way...

oh I just rechecked and indeed it is him...

so Jang is kicked out (what's his first name even) and also he has the dog who might lead him somewhere

and Lee Tang is going around killing people

Song Chon cop - I guess this is the new guy people mention when being like they didn't care about the old guy's story in the second half

So I'm guessing the first person who worked with Roh Bin is also the person (cop?) that Detective (well not anymore) Jang is searching for

I feel like the story in the next 4 eps is just supposed to be about Lee Tang murdering people, Jang doing some shady stuff to chase him because he's no longer a detective + also trying to uncover the cop who maybe did something bad to his father (he's bedridden in hospital now), and ig Song Chon is also pursuing Lee Tang from the cop side (unless idk, Song Chon is the missing cop who was Roh Bin's first partner and is the dude Jang is looking for). So idk how it goes sideways enough for people to say it's bad writing or whatever. we'll see ig

Ep 5 (Mar 30)

oh same florist girl as before?

is she paranoid that all the men have seen her video online?

what's gonna be her place in this story? Is she the one who got pregnant with the prof or was that a diff person? Is the person/people who are putting up her video gonna be murdered? Is she gonna be a love interest?

my facial recognition is so bad bruh, so the guy who was writing in the diary is the same guy she saw today (+ is he suspicious... idk). is the fiance of the dude who he was on a date with the same as Lee Tang's sister or anything? i guess not since he's having dinner with her in Busan while Lee Tang's sister was giving some info to the cops in Daejeon or wherever

so is this friend really also having his videos spread? is he being genuine? i'm suspicious of him...

ah, indeed, seems like he's got some other motivations aghhhhh

I hope Lee Tang's gonna kill him soon, please, I can't deal

Lee Tang being more and more haunted by his murders

noooo "fall in love" ?!?! D: Gyeong-a no

auughhhhhh fuck

that motherfucker killed her fr?!?!

parallels of opening the doors and such but also can't believe the other 2 cops just let Song Chon just walk past them when he must have exited out of the apartment they just came out of, like what???

Ep 6 (Mar 30)

there are just so many open threads, like Lee Tang (+ Roh Bin) vs suspended Detective vs ex-cop and the guy in the elevator as well

this Song Chon isn't like as fun to follow because he's just a dickhead, like why is he terrorizing the rude teenagers like that, they don't deserve this

I guess the point of him is that like we're gonna want to take him down more than we hate either of the other 2 main characters?

Who are the people Roh Bin is working with? people granted by the grandfather of the girl who was killed?

oof, Lee Tang crying, saying he's scared

what even happened this ep? I'm okay with a slow ep where we explore the characters more or find out more but it feels like we barely learned anything except for Song Chon's tendency to just murder ppl and like i don't care about him enough, you know

Oh, now I get that the book is apparently significant because the mosquito drank blood from the prosecutor and Lee Tang killed it in that book (+ probably has his own fingerprints in that book?), so the prosecutor and Lee Tang would be connected that way. I wouldn't have realized w/o the r/kdrama on-air comment tbh.

Ep 7 (Mar 31)

Song Chon is arrested but will he remain that way? like idk what the actual point of this show is, is it too early for him to be dealt with? bc the focus is so much on him, I can't tell if they want to bring him back later for most Song Chon vs Detective or if we're supposed to finally turn out attention back to Lee Tang

nvm, he's already evaded the cops as expected useless fucks

agh, I get why the story now has the two of them as Wanted in relation to Song Chon but it's still frustrating

the way i like don't care about what's happening like this storyline just isn't the reason I came into the series for and although that can be fine (story doesn't have to focus on only 1 aspect or character), this isn't hooking me

Ep 8 (Mar 31)

It just seems like Roh Bin is gonna die and I saw a comment in the on-air that Detective hides Lee Tang's location or something

so did Detective end up shooting Roh Bin? Or was that Song Chon's gunshot?

lol good thing Song Chon killed the Detective's dad what an evil pos

0.1 second of Roh Bin mourning

woahh Roh Bin you're my fave character and what a mastermind after all, fr had plans A - Z

Lee Tang's luck to have a blank shot him

Ah, poor's Roh Bin corpse getting caught up in the fire

Lee Tang's luck that the book with his fingerprints also burns away

Ah, Lee Tang got cleared

oh, Lee Tang's back to killing?

Pretty good last episode actually since all the storylines merged and a satisfying enough ending.

Overall:

Really enjoyed the first few episodes (up to ep 4), then eps 5 - 7 were kinda meandering and it felt like not much was happening (that I cared about anyway), then ep 8 was engaging again. In the second half, we focused a lot on Song Chon and his story to me wasn't as engaging as Lee Tang's and we also strayed away from Lee Tang and his thoughts.

I liked the fun shots and the imagination scenes, it was interesting.

I feel like the show didn't have many twists and turns, like it was all a bit anti-climactic, which dampened it.

From a comment on the On-Air thread, I learned that apparently he's also part of the Wooga squad and I searched up the rest of the people and I've actually watched 1 thing from each actor: Choi Woosik (A Killer Paradox), Park Seo Joon (Midnight Runners), and Park Hyun Sik (Happiness). I didn't watch Hwarang so technically haven't seen V act but I did stan BTS in 2017 so I'll count it. Don't know who Peakboy is though lol

Had high hopes because of the concept + Strangers From Hell director but that show was a lot more atmospheric and insular and the character focuses were more engaging.

Rating: 6/10

[steamishot]

pottery week 1/6

i attended my first wheel throwing class this past sunday, and it kicked my butt. i went in there without doing any prior research, video watching, and had 0 experience in wheel throwing. i was more nervous about being in a classroom setting in person again after what felt like forever. there are 5 people in the class and one sensei. there's one white guy (outside of our sensei), and 4 asian girls including me LOL.

i should note that i attended a drop in modern dance class on presidents' day with T & S which was pretty out of my comfort zone, but easier because i went with friends. another side note: both T & S went back to their respective countries last week. T just got her citizenship recently, but had to delay her trip to vietnam due to passport issues. S's grandma passed away in taiwan so the trip was under sad circumstances.

similar to dance class, wheel throwing involves a lot of steps. however, dissimilar to modern class, we were unable to practice each step piece by piece. there were about 12 steps to making a cup and the instructor went through them very quickly. he offered hands on assistance to each individual, but by the time we reached the last step, i had already forgotten steps 2-3 lol. some of the other people had experience in pottery already, and i was the least knowledgable one. i had social anxiety when people asked questions my way and i was like idk...

during our first class, we went over kikuneri, a japanese kneading technique and how to throw off the hump, meaning we can make multiple pieces from a single large hump of clay in one sitting. we used a thread to cut our pieces off from the hump. i remember feeling really embarrassed during the independent work time, because i had forgotten the steps and i was unable to make a cup like the others were. i meekly walked up to the instructor and asked if he could demonstrate the steps to me again. the instructor sensed i was stressed and reminded me to have fun. he kindly sent me the notes after class.

although i was really looking forward to ceramics class, i'm now a bit intimidated and felt defeated after my first try. i realized i had grown so accustomed to learning from a screen that i totally blank/feel anxious when i have a live person teaching me. i realized it's actually really helpful to be able to watch recorded videos because you can pause and rewatch as many times as you'd like. the good thing is that with our class membership, we're free to go to the studio anytime to practice. i plan on going there maybe 1-2 additional times per week outside of scheduled class.

furthermore, i was a little too shy to talk to the people in my class. but hopefully i'll come out of my shell a bit more. from the looks of it, i'm the second oldest as the other people look like they're in their 20s. immediately after i came home, i started binge watching youtube videos (florian gadsby, woah) on wheel throwing and put a few books on hold so i can get up to speed. i also purchased an apron to wear in class. wish me luck on the weeks to come lol.

other life updates:

no success on any job searching yet. matt recently interviewed with recruiters out in bakersfield and oceanside. everything about the job seems to be great in bakersfield, besides the location. the oceanside work conditions were meh. we're both willing to live in bakersfield temporarily if he gets a job offer. additionally, there are per diem openings with harbor which matt can interview for. COH had explicitly told matt he didn't make it to the finalists, but that his info will be kept on file. we got ghosted by UCLA and UCI. and USC/la general seems to be stringing us along. hope that they have an answer soon, even if it's a no.

R&T have been our consistent friends. they hangout very casually/LA style where it's slow paced and elongated (as opposed to the NYer friends who are more fast paced and busy). they really treat our place like theirs lol. however, they may be leaving even sooner than september due to the dallas job. it's up in the air currently.

matt had his bottom two wisdom teeth taken out and spent about a week recovering/eating soft foods. he has had infections happening on and off for years and finally got it addressed :( the good thing about this is that finally it's been addressed and he's closer to a healthier weight with a restricted diet

i did early spring cleaning and threw out a lot of shit. we purchased an additional plastic drawer and omg i can access all my clothes more easily now.

my dad, SIL and niece will be going to cambodia late march

we watched american fiction in theaters with R&T. initially felt the film was a little slow and disappointed issa rae had such little screen time, but thought the movie overall was great

i sent my texan aunt a nice little "made in brooklyn" goodies box - with the chocolate room snacks and a candle set from apotheke.

the new MUJI duvet cover and insert have really grown on me and are getting more comfortable by the day

went in for an eye exam at a local place and enjoyed "being part of the city". i ordered sunglasses from warby parker as my vision insurance partially covers frames this year.

[feminist-minimalist]

Hey, so....

I don't know how to put this, but abuse and neglect is bad, guys.

I mean, let's look at my life for a moment:

I don't talk to my family. I either am or used to be in two different wills. I no longer care about that and went no contact. Every interaction with them felt hollow, superficial, and like I was a fucking accessory. Anytime I was struggling it was "here, have money" with my dad. Other folks, "get over it, man up, sticks and stones my break my bones". Then made to feel bad about it when the money was all he offered.

My family don't know shit about me. And now I'm just like "meh, I'm gonna stop trying." Blood of the covenant is thicker than water in the womb it seems. Not that I'm leaving my university apartment much. I don't even have a car anymore. One day though.

Also, I am at a point where people talking about their family irks me unless we stiching and bitching (using that endearingly, sorry if that was a bit too harsh). Same with people's love lives. I am hoping EMDR makes me a lot less sensitized to every thing. I feel like an exposed nerve.

I lost my job over mentions of rapists during icebreakers and my PTSD response. Got blamed for it obviously. I mean, yeah, I didn't act perfectly, but they could have been more understanding. Like I had a right to sue and everything and just went "you know what? I want to fix this myself and I don't want a court case". Not saying they didn't do anything wrong, not saying I am a complete angel either. Just saying...it's chaos, be kind.

With Epstein, Pizzagate, The Sound of Freedom, I have to say...ya'll...

DON'T KNOW A DAMNED THING! Like, I think in this case, Urissa was kind of right. There's a lot of performative support. Not a lot of actual support. Still, doesn't make it any less true that she could have gotten help if she wanted though. I mean, I swear by my Medicaid paid, telehealth EMDR. I might even try to be a provider for it later. It feels like an antivaxxer talking to a doctor who specializes in immunology. Just shaking my head like...."that's not how...any of that works".

I also still really really really don't want to deal with in person sex or romance. I'm way too fucking scared because of Urissa's bullshit. Hire a cam model a few oceans away? Sure. But a woman that I see in person? I'm like "....." Like I really don't see anyone I meet in person as "romantic or sexual prospect". I am *way* the fuck too traumatized.

Even if I do say "well, I'm going to lose weight" I still fear the attention that I had from women growing up when I was actually able to take care of myself for a few years once my molesting brother moved to the other side of the country for college. I still think I was pretty asexual growing up because of the molestation and after Urissa it just became this thing of like "well, here's some connection and here's a way to experience sex without having sex". Don't so much agree with the shitpoor Asperger's diagnosis anymore. I may have had symptoms that shared across for PTSD and trauma. Bear in mind when I reported my CSA, the CPS laughed at me and my parents' response was either no response or "this makes me feel bad take care of me and make me feel better!" instead of you know? Protecting me?

Eh.

Am man. Must shut down emotions.

At least, that's what people want me to do. But I am a rebel it seems. A very fat, tired, broke rebel shouting with his keyboard. For now anyway.

What happened to me didn't make me a better or stronger person. It made me fearful. It made me miss out on "normal human things". It's blocked me from connecting with people properly. It made me distrustful. It made me less joyous. It made me angry. I already was a sweetheart and relatively resilient when I could actually have what I preferred. But after everything. Especially after the PTSD incident that got me fired, I just...don't know if I can always be sweet anymore. I really do have a high sensitization level for injustices. It's made me cynical.

Oh, and my childish family and Urissa kept telling me to grow up. So that's fun. Seems like I had to parent them and whenever I didn't know how to handle a situation instead of saying fuck off they just said "grow up and leave me alone with your stuff, that's your job to take care of my emotions and my adult issues!" in essence.

I don't even call Urissa an ex-girlfriend anymore because what the fuck was that shit?

I never actually dated her. I trauma bonded with her.

Guys.

What's a date? Because I don't fucking know if I did that with Urissa.

I think it was more like:

Raymond: "Hey, I see you are suffering do you want help?"

Urissa: "Yes."

Raymond: [Listens] "Oh, by the way I gotta go do some activist thing".

Urissa: Oh shit, there's gonna be girls there, let me express my "feelings" to him!

Raymond: [Shocked, but I think "this is new, let's try it. My mom's dying and I don't understand why I just don't care"]

Raymond as a 32 year old: "I should have listened to the social cues of interest at the activist event and let Urissa figure her shit out. Not that I have that drive anymore."

I don't know. I regret a lot of things regarding women that have shown interest in me, but I never thought "let's have sex!" Maybe I thought "eh, I'll try it and they're pretty and interested". But I never thought that it was "for me" you know?

Also, maybe they just were like "oh attractive, but.....eh." I didn't want to impose.

Anyway.

I don't miss my family. At all. I didn't mourn when people starting passing away or having health issues. I just thought "shit. They just..fucking. FORGOT about all the fucking trauma I went through with my brother and his best friend and my uncle. What the actual...what? I miss my Ozzie cockatiel though for sure. I miss the financial support. But the neglect? The verbal and emotional support abuse? The sexual abuse? The dismissals when I confronted them on it?

Nah.

I mean, yeah, I still feel compassion for them in a very intellectualized, cognitive way, but at the same time I'm like "on paper, you should have been a great family!"

I wanna change my name, ya'll. I really do. And I wanna move to a different, more nurturing country. But, I have some healing and desensitizing to do first.

I need a break more than anything, really. I feel like I've been in survival mode for 32 years whilst taking care of people who should have been able to take care of themselves.

[teosghostlycorner]

Tag someone you want to get to know better!

Tagged by @sasasue

Favorite color: yellow, purple and green. I know it's more than one but I'm an indecisive creature, leave me alone 😂

Last song: Jonathan Bree – Politics

Last movie: Lord of The Rings: Return of the King, because I did yet another LOTR marathon (extended edition, hehe). Every once in a while the need for this trilogy arises in my heart and I HAVE to re-watch it for like the 54764th time. 🥲 No movie has ever managed to make home in my soul the way these 3 movies have… not even my top favourites. LOTR is in a league of its own and I can't even put into words how it makes me feel every single time. Okay I'm gonna stop now – you can tell I'm writing this immediately after finishing the movie, 'cause I'm still an overly emotional babbling mess 😂

Currently watching: Outlander – I'm in the middle of season 2. It's gonna be a long ride given it's a longer show and I don't always have time/energy for binge watching, but I love it so far! Also Disenchantment, I'm watching the new season (which happens to be the final one 🥲)

Other stuff I watched this year: Uhh let's see… I'll name a few from the top of my head: The Last of Us, Oppenheimer, Barbie, Guardians of The Galaxy 3, Queen Charlotte, Seven Kings Must Die, The Nun 2 (this one was kinda meh for me, but I'm a fan of the Conjuring universe, soo I had to watch it), Evil Dead Rise… what else… oh I've also indulged in some old Alain Delon movies lately (I particularly enjoyed L'Eclisse, Les Felins and The Yellow Rolls-Royce). These are some I could think of on the spot

Shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: Hmm, I haven't dropped any show as far as I remember. I usually like to watch things 'til the end, so I rarely stop watching something entirely, I only stop temporarily when I don't have time or I want to watch/do something else in between, but I eventually pick them up again

Currently reading: The Gods of Tango by Carolina de Robertis

Currently listening to: Nothing right now, but I'll pick up my playlist later today, during my 30 minute home sportsy session (😂), when I'll shuffle between cutesy pop and hard rock because I am like that 😂

Currently working on: Brainstorming more autumn-y scenes involving my original characters, which I hope I'll be able to draw in the near future 🍂

Current obsession: Hmm… well, my OCs are always an obsession of mine, so I'll pick those. 😂 

[wclfstrife]

♡ Lulu's Sunday Positivity! ♡ Hooooo boy has it been hot, huh? I do hope you're staying hydrated, taking a break in the shade when you need to, and applying plenty of sunscreen! The summer months can make people feel incredibly lethargic and also have the sense they aren't achieving their goals, be it something to do with work or just keeping on top of chores at home. I'm here to tell you that it's okay if you're not getting as much done as you'd like, life is for living and it is perfectly acceptable if you want to take a break from the grindstone and simply enjoy the warm weather with friends and family. You have plenty of time to get back on track, so don't sweat it! We're at the end of another week now and I do hope your weekend has given you the rest and relaxation you so richly deserve! If it hasn't (because not everyone is lucky enough to have weekends off) be sure to make time for yourself when you can! You're important and you're not being selfish if you put yourself first! I hope this week is amazing and that you have lot's of fun no matter how that is achieved! Go out there and smash it, you precious little jelly bean!!

surprisingly, it hasn't been that hot here, despite the few occasional heatwaves either by weather itself or the ac going out last year, but totally get hot weather has making us all feel meh. it's been.. wack with thunderstorms w/ hail or windstorms, idaho literally doesn't process what season it is fnkdsg. i am looking forward to finally getting my ADHD confirmed next month and hope i'll be able to focus somewhat better depending on what we decide to do!

with that, thank you!! you're so sweet to leave this present in my inbox, though taking me a bit to finally answer, i'm definitely taking time to myself, snuggling my rabbits and hope you are having a great week yourself! im luv you seeing you on the dash with your awesome portrayal of lulu!